Save money and make a difference by GOING PURPLE
Save money and make a difference by GOING PURPLE
There's much to see here. So, take your time, look around, and learn all there is to know about us. We hope you enjoy our site and take a moment to drop us a line. But for now, keep scrolling for some Scottish Humour...
Wee stoor and sleekit horrible beastie
That lurks in yer belly after a feastie
Just as you sit down among your kin
Herald’s the beginning of an awful din
That Vindaloo with mushy peas
Starts off just like a gentle breeze
Spot the puddin’ with a big red face
Whose arse is puffin’ all over the place
Hold your bum tight to the chair
Just try and stop the sqeakin’ air
Shift yourself from cheek to cheek
And, pray to God, it doesn’t leek
Beware attempts to try and stifle
A projectile shootin’ from your rifle
And, no matter what you try to say
Everybody else, is going to pay
When all your efforts go asunder
And out it comes, that clap of thunder
As it ricochets about the room
Shout, “Mighty me! A sonic boom!”
Go find yourself an empty booth
To tantalize the awful truth
Your thoughts are filled with dread
In case you touch the Turtle’s head
On to the throne you better scurry
To check collateral damage of the curry
Rest assured if it fairly reeks
There’s every chance, you’ve shit yer breeks
If everybody around is chokin’
And one or two are nearly boakin’
Point at the wee man in the room
And be the voice that seals his doom
Shout with yer best accusing stare.
“You’re no welcome.”
And point,
“It’s him. That Bar Steward over there!
Ah canni eat another bite,
Your pure disgusting’,
YOU SMELL LIKE SHITE!”
As the mob’s confusion starts to shout
Take this cue and f**k off out
You might feel guilty for a while
But soon enough you’ll raise a smile
It’s a clever man who’ll let things be
Who’s brave and lets his wind gan free
Never bother or take to heart
Those who’d fuss over one wee fart
So let us pray that come what may
And come it will for all that
The man of independent mind
He looks and laughs at all that
For all that and all that
We’re all the same an all that
That man to man the world over
A fart’s a fart for all that
Inspired and adapted from
To a Mouse and also
A Man’s a Man for all that
By Robert Burns
© jo3m 2022
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Brexit was the withdrawal of the United Kingdom from the European Union at 23:00 GMT on 31 January 2020. The United Kingdom is the only sovereign country ever to have left the European Union.
Therefore, it was surprising when Germany announced at the Brussels Summit that English will now be adopted as the language of Europe. It was however conceded that the English spelling needed updating.
A five-year phase-in for what will be known as ‘Euro-English’ was agreed. In year one ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’and the hard ‘c’ will be replased with ‘k’. To stop any future konfusion, the ‘c’ keys will be removed from all komputer keyboards.
In year two, ‘ph’ will be replased ‘f ’, which will simplify words like ‘fotograf’. In year three more komplikated steps will be introdused. For example, the removal of double letters and also silent ‘e’s. Akurat speling of the languag wil now be posibl.
By the forth yar, ‘th’ wil be replasd with ‘z’ and ‘w’ wil be replasd wiz ‘v’. During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary ‘o’ vil be dropd from vords kontaning ‘ou’. Obviusly similar shanges vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinashuns of leters.
Und zo, after ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a sensibl speling system. Eventuly by zis tim evrivun vil find it ezi to komunikat viz esh ozer und zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis.