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MY WEE MAW
There was a time when my wee Maw was a teenage inspiration. They didn’t have the internet but at least they had a nation. If you
had no jam left for your piece, there was milk, re-in-carnation. Daily news, different views, hard work, and dedication. If you had no jam left for your piece, there was milk, re-in-carnation.
I'd shine my shoes
Clean face, clean hands her smile demands.
Have you combed your hair? You’re better than that, far better than those, expensive clothes they wear. I’d make the fire, sweep the stairs, make sure I’m home for tea. I’d shine my shoes and stand up straight, so she’d think well of me.
I'd shine my shoes
I'd shine my shoes
I'd shine my shoes
No mobile phones, no Lg just BT, no SKY demand or catch up and no lottery. Who’s on the booze, we’re looking for the clues. Fish and chips on a Friday-night, Saturday, TV dreams did we win or lose? A holiday of a lifetime chance, to win a world cruise.
I'd shine my shoes
I'd shine my shoes
Morecambe and Wise. The lows, the highs.
Pot Black, the 'Rugby'. King Charles? And the beautiful game. Pele RIP young man your legacy will remain. Sure, life never stays the same.
Now when I weep, the comforts that I keep, memories of my wee Maw, the things she saw, a leather ba’, respect the law, comforts me to sleep.
Family and Friends when it all ends is surely why, People make our Nation. I’m in awe ‘cause my wee Maw is still, my teenage inspiration...
R2 & jo3m with Jean RMAS 1989
Scottish Humour (An Ode to a FART)
Wee stoor and sleekit horrible beastie
That lurks in yer belly after a feastie
Just as you sit down among your kin
Herald’s the beginning of an awful din
That Vindaloo with mushy peas
Starts off just like a gentle breeze
Spot the puddin’ with a big red face
Whose arse is puffin’ all over the place
Hold your bum tight to the chair
Just try and stop the sqeakin’ air
Shift yourself from cheek to cheek
And, pray to God, it doesn’t leek
Beware attempts to try and stifle
A projectile shootin’ from your rifle
And, no matter what you try to say
Everybody else, is going to pay
When all your efforts go asunder
And out it comes, that clap of thunder
As it ricochets about the room
Shout, “Mighty me! A sonic boom!”
Go find yourself an empty booth
To tantalize the awful truth
Your thoughts are filled with dread
In case you touch the Turtle’s head
On to the throne you better scurry
To check collateral damage of the curry
Rest assured if it fairly reeks
There’s every chance, you’ve shit yer breeks
If everybody around is chokin’
And one or two are nearly boakin’
Point at the wee man in the room
And be the voice that seals his doom
Shout with yer best accusing stare.
“You’re no welcome.” And point, “It’s him. That Bar Steward over there! Ah canni eat another bite, Your pure disgusting’, YOU SMELL LIKE SHITE!”
As the mob’s confusion starts to shout
Take this cue and f**k off out
You might feel guilty for a while
But soon enough you’ll raise a smile
It’s a clever man who’ll let things be
Who’s brave and lets his wind gan free
Never bother or take to heart
Those who’d fuss over one wee fart
Let us pray
More Scottish Humour?
Thanks Rabbie
So let us pray that come what may
And come it will for all that
The man of independent mind
He looks and laughs at all that
For all that and all that
We’re all the same an all that
That man to man the world over
A fart’s a fart for all that
Thanks Rabbie
More Scottish Humour?
Thanks Rabbie
Inspired and adapted from
To a Mouse and also
A Man’s a Man for all that
By Robert Burns
© jo3m 2022
More Scottish Humour?
More Scottish Humour?
More Scottish Humour?
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BREXIT and the introduction of EURO-ENGLISH
Brexit
Brussels Announcement
Brussels Announcement
Brexit was the withdrawal of the United Kingdom from the European Union at 23:00 GMT on 31 January 2020. The United Kingdom is the only sovereign country ever to have left the European Union.
Brussels Announcement
Brussels Announcement
Brussels Announcement
Therefore, it was surprising when Germany announced at the Brussels Summit that English will now be adopted as the language of Europe. It was however conceded that the English spelling needed updating.
Euro-English
Brussels Announcement
Keep it simple
A five-year phase-in for what will be known as ‘Euro-English’ was agreed. In year one ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’and the hard ‘c’ will be replased with ‘k’. To stop any future konfusion, the ‘c’ keys will be removed from all komputer keyboards.
Keep it simple
Keep it simple
Keep it simple
In year two, ‘ph’ will be replased ‘f ’, which will simplify words like ‘fotograf’. In year three more komplikated steps will be introdused. For example, the removal of double letters and also silent ‘e’s. Akurat speling of the languag wil now be posibl.
Year four
Keep it simple
Our future
By the forth yar, ‘th’ wil be replasd with ‘z’ and ‘w’ wil be replasd wiz ‘v’. During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary ‘o’ vil be dropd from vords kontaning ‘ou’. Obviusly similar shanges vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinashuns of leters.
Our future
Keep it simple
Our future
Und zo, after ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a sensibl speling system. Eventuly by zis tim evrivun vil find it ezi to komunikat viz esh ozer und zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis.
WORDS AND IMAGES FOR ALL OCCASIONS
Phil the Philippine Eagle. Why he's one of the world's weirdest birds? Not what you think...
Phil the Philippine Eagle. Why he's one of the world's weirdest birds? Not what you think...
Phil the Philippine Eagle. Why he's one of the world's weirdest birds? Not what you think...
When it comes to the Philippine eagle, it’s a toss-up about what makes it one of the World’s Weirdest birds. Is it the fact that this particular weird bird enjoys eating monkeys for dinner, or is it the shaggy brown hairdo that makes it look like you have been out partying way too much?
"So, yes I ate a little Monkey! Yes, I was very, very drunk. So, okay yes, I drink too much.
Ma bad?”
©jo3m 2022
Ashley and Albert the Costa Rican Toucans and the importance of versatility and vision
Phil the Philippine Eagle. Why he's one of the world's weirdest birds? Not what you think...
Phil the Philippine Eagle. Why he's one of the world's weirdest birds? Not what you think...
It all began around 700 million years ago, and we know today that the Costa Rican Toucan’s ability to tell whether or not certain berries are ripe is because of the berries two distinct colours. This ability has had an extraordinary impact on the process of our evolution. Darwin and his study of birds on the Galapagos Islands in 1831 of course led to his work on the ‘Theory of Evolution’.
“It is not the survival of the fittest or the strongest or the most intelligent it is survival of those most adaptable to change…”
Charles Darwin
LULL and Love a violent Act inspired by the marvellous Scottish Artist David Richardson
Phil the Philippine Eagle. Why he's one of the world's weirdest birds? Not what you think...
LULL and Love a violent Act inspired by the marvellous Scottish Artist David Richardson
Love a violent 'Act' in a penetrative 'Play'
Blood and pain and guts and gore.
Joy and suffering, much ecstasy
Mais qui, la petite mort
Inspired by the painting LULL
by David Richardson ©2022
Too a Spouse
It’s been such a waste
I said goodbye, not to hurt you
I said goodbye, not to hurt you
I’m not going to lie, I’d much rather die
I can no longer cry, I can no longer linger… Hard Work. Hard work, work.
I’ve had a bad day, I work for shit pay
No more, words left to say. No more...
Hard work. Hard work, work.
I felt a disgrace, your hand slapped my face
it’s been such a waste, it’s been...
Hard work. Hard work work.
I said goodbye, not to hurt you
I said goodbye, not to hurt you
I said goodbye, not to hurt you
Although love can be tough, there is never enough, life is the long run. It’s not done, till it’s all done.
I’ll never give you up, never take my love to town. Never ever run around or desert you.
No tears left to cry, never told you one lie. I know, I said goodbye, not to hurt you.
Hard work. Hard work work
I said goodbye, not to hurt you
Hard work. Hard work work
Loving you, is all, I ever want to do. I’m sorry but it’s true.You are Hard work.
Hard work, work.
I’m not going to lie, I’d much rather fly
I no longer cry, I know what I want, not without you.
Hard Work, Hard Work work. I won’t give you up, ‘cause your hard work. Hard Work. Hard work, work. Hard work. Hard work work.
jo3m ©2023
LULL is inspired by David Richardson's awesome ART
Fireworks
I dream and dare
I dream and dare
Fireworks and laser beams
I can’t believe it’s true
A quantum leap
through time and space
Coming here, from there, with you
jo3m ©2022
I dream and dare
I dream and dare
I dream and dare
I close my eyes
cross my heart
fantasize, dream and dare
should I be having this much fun
maybe it’s unfair?
jo3m ©2022
Built to last
I dream and dare
Joy and Suffering
Harry Potter came so fast
the Forth Road Bridge was built to last
but not all that lasts stands still
Voldemort had a sticky end
Time, summer nights, winter chill
jo3m ©2022
Joy and Suffering
Joy and Suffering
Joy and Suffering
Love
the violent Act
in a penetrative Play
blood and pain and gore.
Joy and suffering
ecstasy
Mais qui
la petite mort
jo3m ©2022
Desiderata
Joy and Suffering
In the Arena
Whatever your labours and aspirations
in the noisy confusion of life
keep peace in your soul
With all its shams
drudgery and broken dreams
it is still a beautiful world
Be cheerful
Strive to be happy
Max Ehrmann
In the Arena
Joy and Suffering
In the Arena
It is not the critic who counts
Credit belongs to those
actually in the arena
At least if they
they fail while daring greatly
Their place shall never be
with those cold and timid souls
who know neither victory nor defeat
Theodore Roosevelt
The Road less travelled
The road less travelled...
The road less travelled...
The road less travelled...
Two roads diverged in a golden wood
My map told riddles so long I stood
And looked down each as best I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth
And sorry I could not travel both
Chance the path...
The road less travelled...
The road less travelled...
Might I chance the path that was not fair
Overgrown with grass, wanting wear
It seemed to yearn for passing there
It had not worn out near the same,
And yet for me, it called the better claim
Turbulence...
The road less travelled...
Turbulence...
A voice turbulent in my head
Brimmed my mind with tales of dread
Delayed I pitched my tent and bed
I did not think or dream instead I slept
And the choice till morning kept
Consider...
Inspired and adapted
Turbulence...
Both paths next morning equally lay
He who runs can fight another day
And knowing only one true way,
I doubted and considered going back.
Leave the leaves no step had trodden black.
Hindsight...
Inspired and adapted
Inspired and adapted
I tell this tale as days pass bye
When two roads diverge in a wood, then I –
I take the one less travelled by,
And somewhere ages and ages hence
You can decide if it makes a difference.
Inspired and adapted
Inspired and adapted
Inspired and adapted
The road not taken by Robert Frost
Know Thyself
Demons
Prepare your mind
Prepare your mind
"You’re down and out they scream and shout
Three Ghosts, where?
There, standing in your way
Unholy trio bonded, bound
You must prepare
Prepare your mind
To clear these demons out."
Prepare your mind
Prepare your mind
Prepare your mind
"Closer relations you may not find
Un-merry ghastly band
You can be sure, amongst the grind,
Where one is found, the others close at hand
A philosophy to cure your ills
The kind that kills these ghouls
You must prepare, prepare your mind."
Unholy TRIO
Prepare your mind
Unholy TRIO
"This quest, is not for fools
Know thy enemy and know thy-self
Clear these demons out
Their names you know,
You’ve heard before
Indecision, fear and doubt….”
(Thomas Iggs)